Sunshine at 11,000 meters

11000m, 529 mph, 4 hrs 50 mins to destination somewhere over the Labrador Sea

Flying always brings back the eternal truth that above the clouds the sun is always shining.

Life at ground level shows occasional glimpses of the sun; in between the life giving drama of rain, the bitting wind of a winter storm and the sheer brain numbing mundanity of grey cloud filled days in London. The joy of childhood is the ignorance that life is so very complex and unpredictable. 

Even the most unhappy childhood is lit by the promise of the perfect adult life; away from these rules and controlling people. A life of freedom and having just enough.

My own childhood dreams were exceptional only in their lack of aspiration. I dreamt of being a dentist, working in my surgery during the day and retiring upstairs in the evening to watch TV in a room above. Anything to escape the chaos and lack of control that I riled against as a growing boy. 

I was born into a loving family. It was a messy, inconsistent and controlling love and my very core knew it was altogether unhealthy for me.

My escape was through study. By most standards I excelled in academia, driven by the promise of the happy life that society sells for those who are willing to work hard and make sacrifice. If only I knew then what I know now.

Work hard, be happy and look forward to retirement. The opium of all Thatcher’s generation. 

And to the world at large I won, Jim Bowen gave me the keys to the boat, come on down the price is right, Bruce’s cuddly toy was mine. The house, the cars, the happy family.

And then the clouds. All collapsed and gone.

When its dark it is very easy to assume the night will last forever. That the autumn storms will never end.

In reality the sun is just waiting to shine again and after a long winter the heat and promise of summer is intoxicating. With the hope-filled, heart singing determination of snowdrops exploding from spring soil, so I find myself with my face in the sun on my way to warmer climes.

On a plane, half way to Florida. My own two amazing kids across the aisle, young adults, inspiring in their hopefulness, strength and promise. My stepson, so much my own that I frequently see myself in him (a source of considerable confusion for an old man’s heart). My new bride by my side. 

‘Bride’ bares  an image of young passionate love. The reality of new love in middle age is so very much more. A love built on a deep knowledge of who we both are. A love built on the honesty of open hearts not the pretence of romance. A love built on knowing we can be happy alone but prefer the precious magic of being together.

A honeymoon in Florida, avec Mickey and our modern messy family; made up of some amazing messy humans; celebrating getting through the winter and now basking in the sun.

Flying above the clouds it is easy to imagine that the sun will always shine, I’ll raise a glass of champagne to having learnt to dance in the rain, scream at the wind and see dreams in the clouds.